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R. Kelly opened up about his troubled past in a controversial interview with GQ. During his photo shoot for the magazine, the R&B icon was asked to sit in front of the camera and sing a few lines about his life.

But instead, the “Trapped in the Closet” creator delivered a rousing 45-minute recap of his life through storytelling and singing. He recounts being shot while riding his bike as a kid, performing in front of McDonald’s (he claims he made $400-500 a day), and his move to Venice Beach. In one memorable scene, Kellz is on the verge of tears describing his mother’s final moments.

“I said I promise you mama, no matter what, by any means necessary, I will be one of the best singers, songwriters this world has ever seen,” said an emotional Kellz. “I made my mom that promise, and I am still on a journey today to fulfill that promise.”

Watch the R&B storyteller share his joy and pain through song.

If you can’t sit through all 45 minutes, you can watch the abridged version of his memoirs below and read highlights from the GQ interview here.