I have become a woman that you no longer recognize. I have allowed our enemy to impregnate me with his ideas and thoughts. I have allowed an illusion of independence to keep us separated. I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees places me degrees above you.

I humbly come to you asking forgiveness. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not supporting you. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not truly loving you. I was taught to hate myself, then hate you. My desire to  reproduce you was killed by our enemy. I apologize for teaching my daughters that you will fail them, and continuning the cycle of an illusion of indepedence with them. I apologize for not encouraging you, for not being more patient with you, for not understanding your plight, your trials and your tribulations. 

I apologize for thinking in order to gain strength I had to weaken you. I apologize for disturbing your peace, in order to have peace within myself, or what I thought was peace. My life has been in peril without you. I tried to convince myself that I don’t need you, but you are a necessity. I can’t even continue the cycle of life without you. I apologize for my harsh tone, for using my tongue as a sword, for telling you that you are nothing, when in fact you are everything. 

I apologize for mistreating you, disrespecting you, neglecting you and belittling you. I know that I have aided in breaking you, and I am beneficial in rebuilding you. I am acknowleding the wrongs that I have committed against you,and I am confessing my faults. By acknowledging my wrongs, doesn’t mean I am absolving you of your duty, but rather I am re-committing myself to my duty to you. 

I have relinquished my womb from our enemy and I am returning it to it’s rightful owner; you.

I tried to walk this journey of life without you, but I realized that I should be walking this journey with you, and beside you.I pray that you accept my sincere apology, and that we can start the process of reconciliation, so we can love each other and have productive and successful relationships that will set the standard for our children.

Black Man……….I love you…..

Signed,
A Black Woman who concedes that her womb was one of many…….

Nojma Muhammad